Poortraits

Artists who refuse to smile in studio portraits have equestrian teeth,

Or they are humorless,

Or they think that they are painting’s true suitor.  Such a grave role must be taken very seriously,

Or they have no teeth,

Or their dads made them smile for the camera when they were tweens and they are still not over it,

Or they are shy,

Or they are unaffected by societal niceties,

Or they have a secret,

Or they are angry,

Or they have ibs,

Or they are sexy and aloof,

Or they are wearing a face mask,

Or they cannot be bothered by such a studio disruption,

Or they are playing it cool because they have always wanted this,

Or they knew that this would happen and are fulfilling their destiny,

Or they are drunk and trying to conceal it, 

Or they are preoccupied,

Or they have not had sex in awhile and are sad about it,

Or they are worried the people they have imprisoned will signal for help,

Or they are stoned,

Or they have ennui,

Or a legion of hungry ghosts will fly out of their mouth if they part their lips,

Or they have jock itch and believe it would be impolite to scratch in front of the photographer,

Or they are fashion,

Or they are a psychopath,

Or they are copying the photograph of a celebrity artist who also chose not to smile,

Or they fear they will not be taken seriously, after all only half-wit fools flash a smile for such an occasion,

Or they are old and have seen too much,

Or they never even learned to smile in the first place.

When I met Rob Storr, he introduced himself as, ‘a card carrying member of the art world elite.’  His front tooth was missing.

I don’t know if I would remember the encounter, if his smile had not been so utterly unforgettable.

-Wells Chandler / August 2022